"When in Doubt, Wag"... Are you meeting someone new? Somebody you aren't sure about? Wag first. If things get bad you can always retreat but it's important to be open minded. There are all kinds of people but most of them are nice. Especially children. Always wag at children.
(The attached photos were from Bear's very first days with us. You can see how tentative he was, still thin and his fur matted. His eyes still show evidence of the sadness we all worked hard together to love away. Each of us doing our part. Wait til you see the changes that came later!)
The weeks after Bear came home with us were "ruff", for sure. Bear was large and he was sad and he was not quite sure what to do with his tail in the house.... It was long and fluffy and he was extremely cautious with it, walking through rooms very tentatively as if he were afraid he might knock something over. But whenever we came into his presence, Bear wagged. Sometimes just a slight wiggle at the very end of that glorious tail, but always he made the effort.
The original plan was that John and HIS dog would share his room. It is a standard 12 by 12 and was full of teenager stuff already when Bear joined him. John made Bear a palette at the foot of his bed and Bear made that his safety zone. Special kibble recommended by the shelter vet was brought in and a couple of Bear sized bowls were set out in the kitchen. Unfortunately, Bear's body was longer than the space we had available in there so he had to eat sideways until we could move things around a bit.
John's plan was to keep the dog in his room unless he was home to play with him but John's schedule made that plan a misery for all concerned...especially for me and Bear. It was during this time, early on in our getting to know each other, that Bear got into mischief. The only mischief he ever made as long as he lived with us. John left for work every day at 4am. Bear was alone in a cramped room all day with nothing to do and lots of unfamiliar stuff to look at...mostly in the floor. John was out most evenings until late so that was a lot of time to be alone, bored and pretty unnerved by all the strangeness.
In his state of nervous boredom, Bear chewed. He chewed one each of every pair of expensive shoes John had. He chewed the bindings off the lowest books on John's book shelf. Unfortunately these were John's prized collection of civil was history texts. We soon made changes in John's "plan". This change in plans was known forever after as when "Mom stole Bear". I didn't...really.
Nobody was mad at him but Bear was a big dog and he needed all of us to keep him company, teach him our ways and help him feel safe and loved. We really had no idea how much Bear needed that. Or how good it would be to give that to him. He got some of all of us and we worked as a team.
In the mornings Bear would cry very softly to be let out of John's room to go outside. I came home on my lunch breaks to let him out again and in the evenings he would stay in the den with us going to John's room whenever "his Boy" got home. I started brushing Bear after dinner every night. He was in dire need with a very matted undercoat hiding wire and burrs and stems and such. I would sit on the floor and brush him for as long as he could tolerate it. He accepted the service with limits: no pulling feet and no brushing the tail. It was a good while before he would trust me with his tail. Dad enjoyed taking Bear for walks so when he was feeling good enough they would go out for a turn around the neighborhood. Good exercise for both and a way for them to grow their bond. John's schedule was so loaded it was hard finding time to do any of the routine care he wanted to do for Bear but when he could be home they played together and leaned on each other in John's down time. Best friends, just what they both needed most!
Bear had trouble with our stairs, just four steps to the front door and four out back. He would stumble and trip going down. Often he had to be made to go up, hesitating to attempt them until we gave him support. We soon realized Bear had never used steps. He was also strange about grass and flowers and butterflies and birds... and strangers. We will never know where Bear came from or what his circumstances were there but as we got to know him it became clear that he had been in some kind of isolation. The wider world was new to him and it was up to us to help him learn his way around in it.
So, strangers...I have thought about this a lot over the years. Bear chose John, but it was not long before we realized that Bear did not like other men. He saw something in John that helped him overlook that quality in his case. My husband was hurt but Bear avoided him at first. That sad fella would even refuse to take treats from Dad's hands for the first few weeks he was with us. Gradually the relationship warmed but it was tough going for both of them for awhile. Eventually Bear relaxed his general demeanor toward men but that distrust was always just under the surface.
Never aggressive, Bear would withdraw from uncomfortable encounters, retreating to his palette in John's room and refusing to come out even when tempted with something irresistible, like steak. He reacted that way to even the mildest scolding as well. We learned that although Bear would refuse to move from his bed, or balk at those steps he would go anywhere if we put him on a leash. It was really amazing: He was so well-trained to the leash but knew nothing about the outdoors, or playing. (More about that in another post.)
Children were never included in the classification "strangers". Bear LOVED all the little people he met. For them he gave his biggest smiles and broadest wags! Which sets me remembering how Bear let my little toddling niece walk him on the beach. She held his leash proudly and he carefully let her set the pace, watching her over his flank to make sure she was okay and still with him. Sunbathers all around them were tickled at the sight of that big dog and the tiny girl walking together in the sand. Halloween was the best night ever where Bear was concerned! Mobs of children came to see him and he gloried in their visits and attention. As each little person would leave Bear would look up at us with that delighted smile, "did you see that?", and turn to wait for the next!
As time went on and we were taking Bear out and about, for walks by the river, shopping at his favorite pet supply store, even to the vet's office, Bear became more social and he received a good bit of attention and praise from the people he encountered. "What a Great Dog" he was told. He started to believe it and act like it. His posture gained confidence and he was more accepting of strangers approaching us. That open-hearted smile and that welcoming wag were even more ready and Bear started to be happy. And we were too.
